With only a two day stopover, it has been a pretty intense time in Sydney, crammed with boxes ticked, starting with a trip to Bondi beach; a huge beach with surfer dudes being all Australian, like in Home and Away. Ednora also wanted to note that there was one topless lady there – what a perve. We took a stroll around the Rocks, an old historical site where Sydney first took shape once the colony was established there in 1788. Now we were certain that as far as reputations go Australians are said to be some of the biggest drinkers in the world, the type who can smash a keg of beer, pick the kids up from school, and still drive home. However, it was a Thursday night, and the majority of people out and about were absolutely wasted. One lady unloaded a glass of wine on a fellow diner and shouted, ‘that’s the last time I ever come out to dinner with you, Tony’ (in an Australian accent), one girl had passed out with her mates calling an ambulance, another person was getting fireman-carried along by her two mates to the next club, and another lovely young lady hung onto a pole by the side of the road with her arm sticking out, making a kind of meek goat noise; she seemed to be waiting for a bus. The worrying thing was that a bus wasn’t coming, because she wasn’t at a bus stop.

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The next day we checked out the Botanic Gardens which felt entirely cut off from the city. We strolled around the mazey avenues filled with tropical plants until a lizard came running across my path. I screamed a very manly scream and then Ednora refused to continue down that path because the lizard was ‘looking at me in that way’. She went back and took the long route round to avoid this malicious monster.

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In Hyde park

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A lady outside St Mary’s cathedral in a wedding dress

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Ednora absolutely smashing it up in the Botanical Gardens

The killer lizard that caused Ednora to turn back and walk the long way round

The killer lizard that caused Ednora to turn back and walk the long way round

Next up was a walking tour which went on for three hours! Top three facts we learnt:

The French were four days later than the English to get to the East Coast. If they had got there earlier, the tour would probably have been in French and it would have been a very different Australian history.

One of their most famous architects was Francis Greenway who built many of Sydney’s first buildings. He was taken to Australia as a convict and his crime was forgery. Many years later, to commemorate this man, the Australian government put his face on the $10 bill, ironically the most forged note in Australia. The powers that be then thought this was in bad taste, so took him off.

Lachlan Macquarie was reportedly the most successful governor Sydney has had, but he had a massive ego. So much so in fact that he named the city’s most prestigious road after himself.

Under the floor is a big model of Sydney

Under the floor is a big model of Sydney

The model under the floor

Loads of empty bird cages. As you walk through, you can hear recordings of lots of different birds.

That picture what people get when they’re in Sydney

A huge cruise ship pulled out of the the dock

A huge cruise ship pulled out of the the dock

After this, it was a trip on a boat to Monson Bay which gave us outstanding views. We came back and treated ourselves to a swanky dinner on Finger Wharf, as recommended by our friends Joe and Tania. A whirlwind couple of days, but definitely some unfinished business. Sydney, we’ll be back!

Ednora gave me loads of shit over my bad hair day on the way to Fiji

Ednora gave me loads of shit over my bad hair day on the way to Fiji

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Even the airport security guy said, ‘you having a bad hair day there mate?’ Pig.